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Finding identity and navigating through the concepts of social classes.

For many years, I thought that much of who we are comes from money. While they surely help, recently I am getting the impression that it is more about acting. It needs to be authentic, but one can also change theirs. There are no academies for such a thing; one must figure it out themselves.

I went on this path by accident, coincidentally, when I didn't have a lot of cash. When I used to travel by car, I often slept in it because I couldn't afford a hotel. While I felt ashamed of this, I figured out that it could be quite practical, so at one point, I moved to live in a car for a while to save on rent. I parked next to a local swimming pool where I had a membership, so I had access to hygiene, and for the money I didn't pay for accommodation, I could eat out every day. Now, I think it was cool, but I didn't like to admit it back then. I acted like someone who lives "as the others," and people took me like that. I just never invited them to that apartment of mine.

Experiences like this led me to explore alternatives and to realize the communication potential. The first time I visited Denver, I wanted to see the city's skylines from a bird's-eye view. Having no cash for a heli ride, I went to chat with the agent of some skyscraper condos, and we arranged viewings that included rooftop outlooks. It worked!

I kept moving, and when I was in the Netherlands, things went awry, and I actually ended up on the street. Yet, the local homeless population let me know that I wasn't one of them. Once again, I had to think, what makes me, me?

Many jobs and places later, I discussed this insight into what living in multiple cultures brings with a few good people, and it emerged that this experience can't be bought on the spot. So, they sent me to an international conference in London to talk about the impacts of cities on the student experience.

The stuff I talked about was genuine; I didn't have to pretend to be someone else. Yet, I worked on my wording because the audience came from a very different financial background. I didn't share that I slept in a borrowed tent in Scotland the weekend before the conference. I said that the easy access to outdoor adventures around Scottish cities boosts their attractiveness for people with an active lifestyle. I gave it my best, the people liked it, and I felt fantastic.

Suddenly, it clicked. I can be a person in a tent one day, and a person in an expensive hotel the next — both legitimate, honest versions of myself. I can be anyone as long as I am somehow proficient in that role. It was a similar eye-opener, as when I stopped being a purist in my music taste and realized that there are cool songs in pretty much any genre. So many new horizons to explore!

From here, I was on a spiral of events where I enjoyed these little different roles, and continued to learn just how much communication matters. I encountered communities that categorized others as trash only because of their accent, without even listening to their message. In contrast, others had harsh sentences for someone who used words with six syllables. Dealing with such close-mindedness is a pain, but it shows the immense role of language in class.

I see the playfulness in big words, and some slang terms are fun. I enjoy learning these and using them within appropriate situations, but it is also something I find challenging. I didn't grow up in an environment where any fancy terms would be used. In fact, I didn't grow up using English at all. The more extensive the vocabulary, the bigger the range of fields and social environments one can fit into. It is like with fashion: you dress differently for a mountaineering adventure than for a theatre visit. Clothing is another skill to learn.

I like to keep things minimalistic; I don't have stuff I don't use. It's also much cheaper than the other way around. And so, I didn't have a formal shirt. I always borrowed or rented one in the past, but I have a problem when borrowing stuff: I am 6'6," but I've just around 200 lbs. So, the sleeves end at my elbows when the shirt is good around my chest. And when the sleeves are right, I could fit another person to share the chest compartment. At one point, I felt that the time had come to get myself a shirt that fits me well. I am a quick shopper; I like to go only for the stuff I need, no distractions. The last time I was buying shoes, it was a task of five minutes. Enter the store, find the shelf with the type I needed, find one I liked, try out, pay, leave — a piece of cake when you know your stuff.  But when you don't? That was my case with the shirt. But it is just a shirt, how hard can it be? Classic fit, tailored fit, and slim fit, easy. But then, there's the collar. Cutaway, bottom down, point, semi-cutaway... And, did you know that there are five major types of shirt cuff styles? I did not. Add the length issue, and it felt like flipping rocket science! One thing was clear quickly: normal malls weren't up for the task. I had to go to a dedicated shop with suits. They did my measurements and handed me a shirt that would "suit perfectly." I asked for a changing room, but they just looked at me like an idiot. Apparently, when you know the dimensions, you don't need to try stuff before you buy. Live and learn.

The following day, I woke up with a smile and started getting into the shirt. The smile, however, went away quickly: "They sold me a size too small," was my first impression. A train of swears followed as I was trying to fit into the long but incredibly narrow sleeves. Then, the tie was business as usual; online how-to videos came to the rescue. Little did I know that the biggest challenge was still ahead of me — fastening that top button. Dear me, I nearly choked myself. Previously, I'd have a wider size, which might not be as sleek, but putting it on took seconds. Thankfully, I set plenty of time aside for this task, so I handled it within the schedule. What a laugh; at least I know better now. And so, when I went to China in 2017. I dressed smart and went to prominent places.

About four years before the Shanghai visit, I was in Oklahoma City, where I went to the restaurant on the top of their tallest building to see the views, but I felt uncomfortable overhearing a discussion covering astronomical sums of money. Now I see the discomfort wasn't the money part, but the fact that I had no idea about the market forces they spoke about. Not that I've become an expert in the topic since then, no chance. But trying to be open to learn about as many fields as possible makes all the difference. I was surprised by how far knowledge of a topic, authenticity, respect, and self-confidence can take you.

So yeah. Class is a skill. Class is acting. Class requires practice — a struggle for an introvert like me. At least, everyone is taking part in this performance. And there's no better set than the world we already have around, offering plenty of opportunities to practice. The other day, I went to a formal event and listened to a playlist of my favorite punk songs, stuff you'll never hear at a banquet. One of the songs was "Too Much Class For The Neighbourhood" by Dogs. Nodding to the tunes, that's when I thought about making this article. Class is also a concept, and I wish people would see it more fluidly. Similar to nations, races, languages, and beliefs. It comes down to that the class should be meaning over form. What matters is that the world needs nice people, not people with a certain hat or bowtie. In that Shanghai place pictured above, everyone had a good time, and it didn't matter that others arrived in a Rolls-Royce and I by subway. And that's how it should be.

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If you have any thoughts on this, get in touch. I love to hear others' standpoints. If you'd like to stay for a little longer, I'd suggest these posts:

Where on Earth? About the struggles of finding "home."

Midnight World How night helped me to escape personal darkness.

You can also browse my Blog Archives for more categories and topics. Thanks for reading!